As my kids grow up, I have come to realize that their relationships are ever changing. Just as the relationship between a husband and wife evolves, and the relationship between parents and their children change, so do the relationships between siblings. I have noticed this a little more lately in my family with Megan and Carter. Megan is showing us that she can be the responsible, older sister. She looks out for her younger brothers and strives to fulfill the mature duties cast upon her. Carter, on the other hand, is entering middle school and no longer wants to be micromanaged by his "controlling" older sister. He is desperately trying to assert himself and show us that he too can be responsible. Lately, the simplest of conflicts seem to blow up as each of them struggles to uphold their beliefs as to what they feel should take place. It can be stressfull at times, especially with two younger ones taking it all in. And, I can be quick to tell them that I don't care who started it, I just want them to be quiet. I am also quick to throw out a grounding. A common phrase of mine is, "I've had it! You're both grounded!" I have come to realize that while the grounding is a consequence for their actions, it really serves no valuable purpose. Instead of punishing them for the way they handle a conflict, it is my job as a parent to teach them how to communicate with each other. After all, it is a lifelong skill that they will need for healthy relationships in the future. They are both head strong, but that's not all that bad. It shows me that they have a sense of being and know who they want to be. They can go a little overboard with the drama at times, and I sometimes feel like pulling my hair out, but that all comes with the territory of parenthood. They are both broadening their sense of self and in reality that is what I want for them as a parent. I can't hover over them every second, so they need to learn how to think for themselves and be assertive. It is all a rather difficult learning process. It's not easy growing up, and it's not easy being a parent. When I was younger, I remember thinking that I couldn't wait to be the parent so that I could be in charge. Well, the truth of the matter is that no one is really ever "in charge". Furthermore, I am not a "perfect" parent, and my kids are not "perfect" kids. But, in my eyes, we are a perfect family, and we are all in this together.
Hope, you expressed this so well! It's so frustrating, and yet so rewarding to watch our children relate to each other. So hard to know when and how to step in. I hate the times of conflict or excessive teasing, but I remember that my siblings and I had our angry moments, too, and are now the best of friends. You are right, that we aren't really in charge like we used to imagine. Do you ever think about how much fun it will be to watch our children as parents to see how they handle the same challenges?
ReplyDeleteHope, I'm right there with you! This happens between my girls & Conner, and between the girls. It's an every day thing sometimes. Chad & I just had the conversation last night, that its our job to make sure they learn how to handle the conflicts. Like you, I am so quick to throw out the "You're grounded" thing, and it doesn't really ever do much good. Thanks for writing this. I don't feel so crazy and alone in it!
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